I quit!

When I was in elementary, I was bullied. Maybe not physically but I've had names. They creatively coined a name for me which refers to my teeth color and my odor. Yes, i used to stink when I was kid. I don't recall how I handled that back then but I don't remember crying or missing classes because of them. Maybe I have cried before going to bed or I've planned on some evil things to do to them. But all i know is this too shall pass, I just have to graduate.

Then highschool came and I was free. More than that, I learned a lot. Aside from taking a bath everyday, I learned to make fun of myself before anyone else does. I acquired a great defense mechanism which was my sense of humor. I used to do the doble karaoke thing and from there I was known for being the funny girl. I was never known for the pretty girl label. I am an ugly duckling but with a funny bone. Some strong personalities have made me cry too and feel sorry about how I look. I know I can always make fun of myself, but can't stand anyone making fun of me.

Then college came. Things were starting to change for me. Still not the perfect girl but I was noticed for my wit and charm. I met a few friends who makes fun of me but will show you how much they respect you. I have gained confidence to change things. The confidence I have now was an output of continous search for self improvement. I tried learning how people dress up, how to at least hide my imperfections and just how to fit into the 'mold'.

After graduating, meeting new people at work also helped me to have a fresh start and change the image that I have. Being their source of happiness is a great achievement and it makes me forget all the pain.

So where is this pain coming from now? I have not been feeling well about myself for a long while. How come that after all those years, after how much I think I have improved, some people can still push me to doubt myself. They can easily make me feel that no matter how I changed, I'm still that ugly duckling. I'm not sure if its just me feeling so sensitive about my image or is it them who are insensitive. Aren't we too old for this? I think I am. I can handle that back then but now it hurts me more. It even frightens me to see nor hear from them. Isn't it sad that I have to be afraid again of facing some people? At this age, rejection and disapproval is way more painful to me.

I don't know why can't we all move on from those stigmas and start a new beginning where everyone can share what they are good at. We all know how we tried to be our best. This is not elementary, highschool nor college. We already built a reputation that we want. And we all want to protect that.

All I want here is to be what I am now. Away from my dark ugly past. Yes, I will never be that perfect girl but I I love what I am now. I will always be funny and will do crazy things to myself but I still have limits. You can help me by not always bringing 'the old me' back. I now have my future husband who looks at me in a very very different light. And we will have kids in the future and I want them to be proud and respect me. I believe that respect can never be asked but should be gained. But even if I have not gained yours, I have done nothing to be disrespected. And if being funny leaves me vulnerable to mockery and stuffs, then I quit!

50 Percent

Its been a while. Yes, laziness strikes again. But I cannot be too lazy for my wedding. So far, so good! I have done a lot.

Documents. I have filed for cenomar at SM Lipa. Processing at NSO is faster, it only takes 4 days but I chose to file at SM Business Center so I can claim it even on weekends. It costs 430 pesos for both of us.
Husband-to-be already has his baptismal and confirmation certificate.

Venue: Yes! I have found the venue! The perfect venue. I fell in love at first sight. I never knew that we have this nice venue near us. We chose Tanauan Event Center and we already booked the place. Its booked for 4 hours with a free room. And we are adding an additional room for 3500.

Photo and Video: Husband-to-be is assigned on this. He reviews everything and he is very meticulous. And he chose Freshminds. A photo-video group from Cavite. We already booked them. Their package includes, prenup, SDE, wedding pictures and video and album. I've seen their works from other friends weddings and I think they will do good, hopefully.

Caterer: Picking a caterer is really difficult. Weighing things from the food, the cost and their ability to bring my dream wedding to life. Since we have limited budget, we have chosen a local caterer whom I think, since the owner is very young, can make my designs and requests possible.

Gown and Suit Designer: I was about to go home after looking for our wedding church when I saw Paul Agustin's shop. He was a designer from Tanauan Batangas. I entered his shop and looked at his portfolio. And I was so happy to see some of my former classmates wearing his gowns. And his work looks amazing! And we already booked him. He will do my gown, husband-to-be's coat and tie and our mothers dresses. I'm excited. Although until now I'm still choosing my gown's design, if its mermaid or A-line (but now I'm more on the A-line). The husband-to-be will be in light gray suit, no shine please. ^^

See its almost 50% ready! I was also amazed that we can finish a lot in a short span of time. But we still have  a lot to do: DIYs, invitation, rings and marriage license requirements. There is still a lot but I think we can do this! Onti na lng!!!

And now I have pinterest for my wedding concepts and ideas! Here it is: Kay Ann Pinterest This really helps me form my ideas and easier for me to show them to suppliers. ^^

That's all for now.

Aja!

Kay Ann